Do words really make a difference?

Proverbs 16:21; "The wise in heart are called discerning, and gracious words promote instruction."

I recently had a lively conversation about how we talk to people. Their point of view was starkly different to mine. They believe that speaking harshly to people (even children) is how people hear you, even to the point of cussing. They also went on to say that the problem with society (more specifically, America) is that we caudal too much instead of correcting, and the only way to correct is with harsh language.

Ephesians 4:29; "Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen."

I disagree. To yell at someone or to even cuss at someone to get your point across is not only harmful to the person receiving the words, but it is more than likely that the person you are trying to "get your point across to" will actually tune you out. If spoken to harshly long enough, the cycle will begin again. This my friends, is a vicious circle.

Proverbs 7:27; "The one who has knowledge uses words with restraint, and whoever has understanding is even-tempered."

Correction is the words used, not the harshness in which the words are said. I have worked with many people over the years. I have been cussed at by superiors, co-workers, even family. To say that I listened to them would be far fetched. I have always felt like less of a person after being belittled with the harshness and tone that was spoken to me. Over the years the yelling at people to get a point across or even to cuss at someone out of frustration and anger was where I found myself. I didn't like being talked to that way, yet there I was (sometimes still) talking at people the way I had been talked at instead of talking to people the way I wanted to be talked to. But the good news is the cycle can be broken!

1 Corinthians 14:9; "So it is with you. Unless you speak intelligible words with your tongue, how will anyone know what you are saying? You will just be speaking into the air.

By far the most effective leaders (and parents you are a leader) are ones who correct with loving intentions and with a heart to help not hurt. This is where my learning, how to change how I spoke to others, began (and it is a work in progress). When heated debates and disagreements occur a couple of things begin to happen; first you can feel your temperature rise, and secondly you can feel the anger begin to boil on the tip of your tongue. So what sets apart a person who corrects without harshness and cussing. I do believe it is a few things...like grace, mercy, and that they are acting out of love.

Proverbs 16:24; "Gracious words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones."

There's a few things I have to do in order for me not to lose my temper (and I don't always succeed). I have to pray. Pray for God to help me control my anger and to not say something that I'm going to regret. I have to stop. Yup, stop and take a step back. Before I say a word, I have to look at the situation and ask myself why I'm getting so angry. Is this a fight that is worth risking hurt feelings and further anger?

Ecclesiastes 9:17; "The quiet words of the wise are more to be heeded than the shouts of a ruler of fools." 

It is time to begin a new cycle. As Christians we are not to use harmful, hurtful words, to anyone. It's time for change, in how we speak to one another. We are called to be like Christ, and this is a great place to start.

~Peace & Blessings~
            Jen